One ordinary day at work, I was in my office on the second floor, immersed in my tasks and thoughts. The cheerful sounds of children playing on the nearby playground, ringing through to my office daily, were absolutely delightful. Suddenly, a little nine-year-old girl named Phumi* managed to sneak into my office, looking a bit nervous as she had just walked in. She had asked the “aunty” (Child Care Worker) for permission to tell me something.

“Mam Umkhulu” (Elder Mother – as the children call me), Phumi addressed me with respect. After exchanging a few pleasantries, she excitedly shared, “You know what? My mother is here and she is going to the ‘GCF school for parents’.”

“Do you know what school that is?” I queried. She explained, “It’s the school where parents go to learn about being better mothers!” Her excitement was contagious, knowing this possibly meant she could soon go home to her mother. We both laughed, and I hugged her before she dashed back to the playground.

I was aware of the course at GCF for Care Givers/Family members called “Parenting Skills for Re-Unification”. This course is for parents who had their children removed for various reasons, with specific criteria set by social workers to get their children back. In Phumi’s mother’s case, Mrs. Mzotho* needed to end a toxic relationship and make structural changes to her dwelling to make it safer for her child. Initially reluctant, she called a week later, having made the necessary changes, such as asking the man to leave and making the structural changes, all ready to have her child back. But there was still another hurdle to meet the desired requirement: she needed to complete the parenting training. We arranged accommodation for her at GCF, since she lived too far to commute daily, allowing us to observe the bonding process with her daughter.

They both left happy as larks when the course was done. They were ready to go home, and nothing was going to come between these two again, it seemed, setting their lives on restart.

Six months later, our social workers visited the school where Phumi attended for a follow-up visit to assess her progress. As the social workers made their way to the teacher’s classroom, they passed by the principal’s office. He saw them, recognized them, and called out in a firm, serious voice, “Please come and see me when you are done there; I need to speak with you.” Taken aback, the social workers agreed to meet with him, their nerves tinged with uncertainty about what could be so serious as to warrant his stern tone. A bit apprehensive, they finished gathering information from the teachers and then met with the principal.

Curious, he asked, “What did you do with Mrs. Mzotho?” Unsure what he meant, they asked for clarification. He explained, “She has changed dramatically. She’s now telling other parents to get involved with their children, to read with them, do homework together, attend sporting events. She’s incredible – she’s found her voice! The change is so significant that we’re considering her for the School Governing Body. She’s speaking out and bringing change to the school.”

The social workers were pleased with what they saw, and Phumi was extremely happy living at home with her mother. I believe the course set her up for success among other things that she did right.

Comment: At GCF, we believe that a mother will always be a mother. We find that regardless of the extent of violence, hurt, or damage done, she still remains the mother. (The children will keep asking the social workers at the centre about when they are going home.)

GCF’s goal is to strengthen families, mothers, and primary caregivers, so they can live happily ever after, without children being removed at the first port of call. This is done by working with individual families in communities, helping them to address the issues head-on, and preventing breakdowns in the first place. We believe children should be nurtured and cared for by their mothers, and we need to put more effort into supporting their restoration, rather than removing the child. If more time and effort are put into this, then there will be fewer breakdowns.

Often, children are removed quickly based on calls from neighbours or relatives, without thorough investigation and work from the social workers. We must ask ourselves whether we’ve provided opportunities, time, and services to mothers like Mrs. Mzotho, who might feel trapped in despair with little or no way out. They need a loving, respectful person coming alongside them, to believe in them and help them make the right choices to change what needs changing.

(*not their real names)

Written by Monica Woodhouse